One way you can get out of your way is to name your gremlin. A gremlin in this sense is a self-defeating behavior that reappears in life, work, and relationships that prevents you from achieving a new level of success. Like in the movie by the same name, gremlins usually are latent and easy to live with until they are activated by external or internal factors, either past, present, or perceived future. Naming them can help you to be aware of your self-defeating behavior so you may make intentional decisions that are edifying and rewarding to all involved. The introductory article to this series is Get Out of Your Own Way.
BLAMING is a passive-aggressive form of bullying others.
It is likely that you have known someone who has the gremlin named “Blamer,” that is, they seem to always blame somebody or something for their failure. They rarely accept responsibility for anything and even when they do, their statement usually includes some measure of blaming. If Blamer is your gremlin, you need to know two things: 1) you are sabotaging your success and relationships, and 2) your future opportunities will gradually diminish. If this is what you want out of life then keep Blamer as your pet and feed him well with criticism of others at every opportunity. On the other hand, if you desire to improve your relationships and increase future opportunities, always be aware of your latent blaming potential and critical spirit. Then,…stop,…accept responsibility,…and do your best with no excuses (another gremlin). You will enjoy improved relationships and more opportunities. However, you may need to get to the heart of the matter.
GREMLINS LOVE UNRESOLVED ISSUES!
Blaming is often disguised as unhealthy guilt that has never been resolved. Remember that when you point to others there are three fingers pointing back to you—four if your thumb is double-jointed. Ask yourself several questions:
- Has there been a cataclysmic event in my life that provides me with an unending well of anger and resentment?
- Have others ever told you that you are always critical or blaming?
- Do you see accepting responsibility and admitting your failings a weakness?
- Do you repeatedly share blame stories with family and friends? You may find that it’s like a fish story in which the fault blamed on others get bigger with each telling.
I like what Rick Warren teaches in his well known book The Purpose-Driven Life: “Don’t get bitter but choose to get better.” Forgiveness of others and self is the remedy.
Dr. Tom Cocklereece, The Disciplist
This article is a revision of a previous post on my coaching blog site RENOVA Coaching
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